Before it’s too late

Cara Zia,
Our mother’s health is failing, and she needed to be moved from assisted living to a nursing home. She transferred to a dementia unit soon after, since her mental capacity is also rapidly declining. I live three hours away, and my other siblings are on opposite sides of the country. I visit her often but am getting burned out and could use some help. My sister doesn’t have any real money so as executor, I offered to have the estate pay for her airfare. She said she would rather wait until the holidays. My brother says he is too busy but to keep him posted on her health. I don’t want to cause family drama, but I would like to encourage them to come soon so our mom can enjoy their company before it’s too late, and so I can have a little help.
— Responsible Son

Dear Responsible,
Many enjoy celebrating the birth of children, but few embrace ushering out the dying, so I commend you for being so selfless. Between her care and the travel, you are justified in needing more support. While avoiding a family rift is admirable, there’s no reason not to push back with your siblings. “La morte non guarda calendario.” (“Death does not keep a calendar.”) It would be too bad if they didn’t spend quality time with her before her memory is entirely gone or she passes on, and che vergogna (what a shame) if they don’t. Talk to the facility and see if they can set up times for virtual meetings with her and all her children so you can spend quality time without the burden of travel.
— Zia Maria

Cara Zia,
I’ve been divorced for a couple of years and decided to try online dating. I’m not really getting any traction and have been disappointed because the women disappear after just a couple of messages. It took hours to build my profile and select photos that reflect my interests. Now I’m spending time each day online trying to meet someone nice, but honestly this whole thing has become a real turnoff. Dating over 50 isn’t easy these days. Any suggestions?
— Ready for Love

Dear Ready,
Most matches and attention on dating apps go to a small group of top-tier men based on looks, status or profile quality. Many average-looking men struggle to get matches or replies at all. There’s no way for someone to know your real personality online, so it might be better to focus on in-person opportunities, especially if you’re being ghosted. “Se l’occhio non mira, il cuor non sospira.” (If the eye does not gaze, the heart does not sigh.) Try joining sports or social groups like pickleball or taking Italian or other in-person classes that suit your interests. In this way, you might meet a like-minded woman who finds you personable, rather than just checking out your stats. And don’t forget to ask your friends about their single pals too!
— Zia Maria

Cara Zia,
My friend is a know-it-all and likes hearing the sound of her own voice. She consistently talks over others and has very strong opinions, even on subjects that she knows very little about. However, she is a considerate and generous person, so I tolerate this annoyance. I would like to know how I can get her to be more gracious and consider the opinions of others.
— Friend of Miss Smarty Pants

Dear Friend,
We all know someone who believes they’re the smartest person in the room, which can be incredibly frustrating. “Chi nulla sa, presto parla.” (He who knows nothing, speaks quickly.) In my experience, the best way to engage with these overly opinionated individuals is to ask them for specific examples to support their arguments, while being prepared to do the same yourself. Some people overestimate their own knowledge, so it may be eye-opening for your friend to realize that someone else might actually know more than she does. And hopefully she will grow from this experience.
— Zia Maria

This column is written by Nina Albano Vidmer. Submit questions to Cara Zia, c/o Fra Noi, 1621 N. 39th Ave, Stone Park, IL 60165, or e-mail them to caraziamaria@gmail.com with the subject line “Cara Zia.”

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